I overheard a Conversation

My husband and I, we have been married two years. You’d think as a young couple we would be carefree, focused on having fun and making memories. But no, a lot of our weekends in the last 25 months or so have been expended on house hunting and moving. We have moved a total of 5 times!  We have made memories – yes sir – loads of bike rides in exacting sun of Bangalore, bunch of instant noodle meals, long & passionate discussions over merits of de-cluttering and hosting friends and family in a new house every time!

This is what a conversation looks like with friends and family these days:

Mom: “So, I have this package that I want to send over to you. Can you share your latest address *nervous laugh*”

Me: *Literally speaking through a facepalm* “Mom, can you hold on to that package for a little while. Our current rented flat got sold, and we are on a month’s notice and we don’t know where we’ll find the next house”

Mom: *Sighing heavily* “Why don’t you guys buy a house in that area and just settle down?”

Me: “Mom, we have had this conversation. Bangalore is big and traffic is even bigger. We want to be mobile and as close to both of our offices as possible. We can’t buy a house in every area of Bangalore”

Mom: “Kids these days”

I am sure she must be rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone but also worried.

On the other hand, friends –

Me: “Come over for dinner”

Friend: “How about lunch? Have you guys moved since the last time we saw you? What is the apartment name and your flat number again?”

Me: *Sigh*

Currently, Saurav and I are in a 2 bedroom flat in a beautiful apartment. Now this flat is on the ground floor which has its pros and cons. Both Saurav and I agree that it saves us precious 2 minutes of rushing down from the stairs/waiting for elevator when our cabs are “arriving shortly” at the gate in the morning. On the downside, we have had to content ourselves with lesser natural light and ventilation than what we got used to in our previous flats.

Living on the ground floor also means being privy to some conversations and all kinds of footsteps (heavy, preppy, exhausted, rushing, pondering and thundering). You see, one of our bedrooms looks out to the garden while the other has a window that snuggles close to the common area and entrance to the our block of flats.

Today, as I was getting ready for work in the morning, I picked up on a few sentences of a conversation between a mother and her young child as they must have been exiting the elevator and heading towards the main exit.

The baby girl said in an exasperated voice “But, how could you get a pasta wrong? Pasta?!”

The mom promptly launched into an explanation. They were walking away and Mom was talking in Tamil, a language I am not fluent in. I picked up a few words like “consistency”, “sauce” Etc.

I am someone who enjoys food and I am just learning to cook. So I get the struggle. But this expectation of a girl who is probably not older than 10 years from her Mom to be able to whip up perfect pasta dishes got me thinking. How about that for an expectation? Of a child from her mother?

Not everyone is made for everything. Do we have such expectations of ourselves and our spouses, parents, siblings, and friends? From our managers and employees?

What are we teaching and how are we conditioning our kids, our future generations to understand about setting & managing expectations – fair, unfair, unreasonable and feasible.

For all I know, her Mom maybe a super cook and that’s why the kid was surprised when the pasta dish was a fail. But that overheard conversation definitely got me thinking about managing my own expectation from myself and people around me. This got in line to my already burgeoning list of personal development items to work on:

  • Learn to say no
  • Your thought become things
  • Patience

    IMG_20190729_185132

    Trying to make this new house, our Home

What makes you happy?

What makes you happy? What are the top 5 things?

My husband asked me this question out of the blue, yesterday late afternoon. I was positively taken aback. Loads of thoughts began swirling within a few seconds it took for the question to register. One after another and sometimes in a blur of commotion my brain started throwing name plaques up in the air for me to identify and acknowledge. But apart from a couple of things, there were no clear front-runners that I could decide on straightway. By late evening, I may have conveyed some abstract answers that he may or may not have paid attention to 😛

His reasons for these specific questions are best known to him. He is a funny man. The conversation on a call that lasted for a minute went like this.

M – “Hi sexy”

S – “Hey. So I have a question for you”

M – “Hmm. Shoot.”

S – “What makes you happy? What are the top five things?”

M- (Eyebrows disappearing into hair & few seconds of amused silence) “Why?”

S – “It doesn’t have to immediately answered but doesn’t have to be brooded over.”

M – (With piqued curiosity and neurons firing in brain) “But why would you want to know suddenly?”

S – “So, think about it in the cab back home. I should have the answers by the time you reach home.”

M – (Chuckling) “You have to tell me why, only then I will think about this”

S- “Hmmph. It’s for a project”

M – Gets reminded of another project where he has asked acquaintances questions like this “What’s it called?”

S – “It’s called love project. Bye now. Don’t forget to answer”

M- Gets off the phone laughing for a few seconds.

Side note: I have a sneaking suspicion that he is planning something for our 1st wedding anniversary.

But contrary to what he wanted me to do, I began pondering deeply about it. My thoughts got all muddled up and I couldn’t place the things that made me particularly happy. Thoughts like shopping, movies, food came up but I kept disproving them as soon as the word was fully formed in my awareness. I do enjoy these activities – but happiness just seems deeper.

I thought maybe I was taking the question too literally and he didn’t necessarily meant just “things”. This approach was a little better –memories with bits of faded edges like my mom’s smile, warm hugs and snippets of good conversations began to pop up in my mind’s eye. Yes, that seemed better.

There were times not long ago where I could go on and on about what made me happy – mentioning everything in detail.  In fact I recall asking my husband the same question when we were dating a year and half back. He kept asking me to clarify what was the question aimed at and I kept wondering how could this question be so complicated to answer. I went back to the chat to understand that conversation (I searched the keywords on whatsapp, I am OCD like that).

The things that I told him made me happy then, stay true to date. They were easy simple things and also wind in my hair type cliché. But why didn’t these exact imagery come to me when I was looking for them, pondering over and over? What has changed or evolved? Maybe I was not in the correct frame of mind to answer this question? Or have I moved on from where I was that time ago?

I think happiness is deep, emotional state but also current. How you are placed in your life can mean you have a lot of things easily accessible that make you happy and therefore are being taken for granted.

I still actively seek out:-

  •  Reading – it’s one of the greatest pleasures of life!
  • Conversations – Especially where it makes me think.
  • Laughter – Oh! I love a good laugh any time of the day!
  • Cleaning and Organizing – I can’t take a messy anything.
  • Alone time – I get cranky otherwise.

Cheers to a husband who can make me think deeply about essentials in life-like – Happiness.

What does happiness mean to you?

 

Drawn to Fear

Like moth is to flame, metal to a magnet. Like bee is to flower, Voldemort to Harry.

Fear crept up on her, drew her in and held her prisoner.

Within her Heart

It was gloomy outside, rain pouring and pelting against the windows.

Inside, snuggled with some tea and a hug, it was sunny within her heart.

June 2017 – Currently

A comeback of sorts with this “currently” post. I have been away (read: not writing for some time) and I need to get back into the groove.

So, currently –

  • Enjoying: Newly married life with this handsome husband of mine. As of today we have been married for nearly 7 weeks and things are great. Saurav is amazing and he makes me want to be a better person. I used to be an escapist who would sprint in the reverse direction of confrontation. Baby steps, but I am learning to stand my ground in uncomfortable situations and beginning to talk about things. There’s still a long way to go, but there’s been some progress which makes me happy.IMG_9370
  • Listening: To the Historium podcast on Podcast Addict app like an addict. History has been an area of interest since my first textbook on the subject back in sixth grade. This love has endured the test of times. I am discovering the joys of podcasts while commuting and I am probably subscribed to every history related series.
  • Reading: A lot of blogs, articles (basically anything that I can lay my eyes on) on personal finance, self-development and motivation. Personal development/self-help books need a lot of concentration and willpower. I am working on getting through them one thin book at a time.
  • Making: Shopping lists in my mind. Sale season just begun in India. While I have enough ethnic wear/occasion wear to last a lifetime from the wedding, I am running low on well fitted pairs of denim. I need to buy more like yesterday. But is it just me or trying on denims is one of the most tiring things? I get bored after trying 3 and convince myself that it’s just a bad day for buying new denims. It just has to be the perfect fit, colour, just the right amount of distressed and should fit into the budget. Dream feels!
  • Setting goals: I want to get into the habit of cooking more often. It’s not my forte but I would like to keep exploring it (partly because I love eating). I am setting myself a goal of cooking a couple of new things every weekend.
  • Wearing: Alternating between the perfumes/body mists Nude from Skinn by Titan and Pure Seduction by Victoria’s secret. Amazing! No other word.
  • Want to start: Working out regularly. Since this is a phase where I am feeling enthused, it’s the right time to hit the nail on the head. I am starting tomorrow. I’ve never given a full blown workout a try. I’ve always felt I need a little bit of motivation (and discipline) in this chart of my life. I’ve read so much about starting with 20 minutes every day, just keeping at it for 21 days and viola – you have a healthy habit. Gosh, it would be amazing to be able to wear anything without worrying. The reason to put this out here on the blog is that it will be just that much more added motivation to report back with progress in a few months.

See you around! 🙂

I Live to Fight Another Day

Some days are hard, some even harder while a few here and there not so much. This is not me complaining. This is just to remind myself that I have been struggling and it is completely okay. Because if truth be told, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am grateful for all the good things in my life. What I wish for is to be stronger, better, kinder and funnier. Everything else will iron out eventually. I wish for better and enriching experiences in life, to learn to be a good listener and some patience. I need to be able to accept that not all questions need answering, while some questions can never be answered. I need to learn to able to pick my battles.

I hope there was a switch that I could flick and put my mind at ease. Overthinking much? Yeah, that’s what I do best.

My reason to believe is at the end of the day – I have a tummy full of food, heart full of hope, eyes full of dreams and people who will always be at my side, no matter what. My reason to believe is that I am alive, well and I live to fight another day.

In response to Reason to Believe

A Work in Progress

Mess & I, we don’t get along. Clutter gives me a high – not the good kind. I go cranky and bonkers. I like my things organized and planned. Order drives me to do better things. Life of a Virgo I tell you.

At workstation in office, my desktop remains very organized even during the busiest times of the year with only the most used icons and work in progress folders tiled on the left hand side. On the right hand side sticks a sticky that has my notes and reminders. As soon as I am done with a certain project, that folder is dispatched into the fathoms of relevant year wise folders. I try and name all the content in the most relevant ways – even the jpegs. You won’t find numerous unnamed “New Folder” on my system, no sir.

One of the reasons behind this OCD is that my job (I am a Visual Merchandiser) requires me to be aware of the content I possess. My boss may suddenly be overcome by the desire to see images of a certain store’s window display during the onset of Spring Summer ’13. I need to be able to track the file in the time that it takes him to get up from his desk and saunter over to mine. And he saunters over quite quick mind you, or maybe that’s because our cubicles are stationed like 5 feet apart from each other 😛

At home however, it’s a slightly different story. Things here are still as clutter free as I possibly can manage. But there is always room for improvement. So, I am looking at my bedroom right now and there is one pile of worn clothes from this week near the bed. There are a couple of used water bottles and one humongous zip-pack of Indian snack on the floor. Wires of different diameters, belonging to various gadgets and their adapters have intertwined and snaked across the room to get to the power booster. What is left of the floor is occupied by – well nothing!* punches the air*Almost all the other objects are in their rightful places and that makes me happy.

But cometh the weekend, and one whole day will be devoted to cleaning and organizing my tiny 1 bed room rented apartment.

To better days of clutter free living! 🙂

Knowing you – Like we do

This is a crowded city. People come pouring out of everywhere – from nooks and crannies, one wouldn’t even imagine it was possible to navigate. There is a two way traffic everywhere you look. Both sides of all the streets are lined with shops – make shift type. People being driven in fancy cars and people driving on bicycles – both stop to make their purchases.

Amongst the milieu of people of all ages – there is a middle aged man. He is dressed immaculately, but nothing fancy – a crisp white shirt with black stripped trousers. That’s the official dress code of a lawyer in the apex court of the state capital. He looks like he is used to consistently working hard to get what he wants – harsh beating down sun, long queue and constant haggling doesn’t unfaze him. He wears rimless glasses and stares hard at the shopkeeper, without squinting or blinking. He doesn’t have to talk much to get a reasonable rate for the groceries he is picking. His face has very fine lines around his eyes, his hair shows signs of thinning and has a barely there paunch. A well maintained physical and cosmetic health for his age – his diet and well being has been looked after. He turns around when he is done and starts making his way back to where his vehicle is parked without wincing, shouting or elbowing anybody – polite and enduring.

The man is 52 and is father of two adult kids. His wife has been handling the marriage, home, finances as well as taking care of the in-laws and kids since the early age of 24. It was difficult at first but now things have settled down quite a bit. They have enough and just a bit more.

The man is my father. Even if I would have met him just today – I would have immense respect for him. He has a no-nonsense attitude but is courteous, straight forward but polite, tenacious – never shied away from struggle or hard work and is always thirsty for knowledge. His ability to strike conversations at random and make us all laugh is amazing. He became more a friend and a guide as my brother and I turned the corner to being adults.

He gets frustrated and impatient – oh yea, and we wouldn’t want to catch him on any of those days. But he is passionate, forgiving and understanding. He is my father.

“One Day, I want to honestly say – I made it”

Oh the Nostalgia! From dreaming to be a Doctor to being a Visual Merchandiser – my life is not what I wanted it to be. But it’s better. It has its ups and down. But it is perfect in its imperfection. There is no dearth of things that I want to come together for future. But as I write this, right at this second, I am happy.

Back when I was a kid, I wanted to study to become a Doctor. My grandmother used to be unwell often. Doctors failed to give an accurate diagnostic on what was really going on with her. I watched my mum get frustrated and upset over how much Grandma was suffering day in and day out.  That’s when little me decided that I would grow up to be doctor and treat granny of whatever was ailing her.

Things took a different turn and I didn’t even realise. I made the cut for NIFT entrance exams and graduated four years later with a degree and job offer in hand. Meanwhile, my grandma got better and my mum accepted the fact that with her age she is bound to get sick at times.

My current profession is as far removed from being a doctor as it can possibly be. Hopefully it’s all for the better.

“One Day, I want to honestly say – I made it”

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Futures Past.”

Everyone has their own Story

Everybody has a story. There is comedy, some romance, some drama, a couple of mysteries and a few tragedies. No two stories are the same.

I would like to be an audience to every single story that world has to offer – learn from  them and imbibe the positives. The back stories always make for awesome narrations, giving the reader in depth view into the person’s life and his/her journey.

From my parents to my favorite Biology teacher, my best friend from school to my colleagues, my next door neighbor to somebody I met on a journey, from the great warrior Abhimanyu to the great archer Karna, from Dhyan Chand to Sachin Tendulkar, from Albus Severus Potter to Luna Lovegood – everybody has a story worth telling.

And I am all for stories – they have a life of their own.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Fireside Chat.”

Music, Wardrobe and Subway Surfer

There was a time, when waking up hours before the crack of dawn was no big deal for me. But that was when I was in school and something like snooze didn’t exist in my vocabulary. I absolutely had to, without fail, cram two – three hours of school work/study before I hurried off to get dressed for school.

Come 2015 – hurrying off to get dressed part hasn’t changed much. But everything else has – sadly! There are still those days when I get up alert like a fox and wide awake. But there are also those days when even a cold shower can’t seem to rev up my engine.

There just isn’t enough time in the mornings to indulge in any leisure activity – I just scrape along doing the bare essentials. But there a few activities that if I manage can set the tone right for rest of day.

Some good old music – When I wake up with all my wits about me, I just turn to my side and plug my phone into the speakers to enjoy some tracks from my playlist. It definitely makes me feel better and gear up for the day.

Throw all the curtains open – The room feels lighter and fresher when some cold morning air streams through the room, even if there is just a hint of the sun.

Hanging out the laundry to dry – If I can achieve this in the morning, I feel a sense of accomplishment like no other. It is a major chore for me that I would rather skip. Weird, you say?

Plan what to wear – I mean actually plan what to wear, and not just random groping into the wardrobe for some decent looking top and a pair of denims.

Subway Surfers – If time permits, I manage a couple of runs with the famous thieves down the subway tracks. Something about a feeling of accomplishment.

Yeah. So that’s all I can manage, aside from gulping down a few morsels of breakfast and getting myself to work on time.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Two Right Feet.”

2014 in review – for a year that was!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,300 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 22 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.