June 2017 – Currently

A comeback of sorts with this “currently” post. I have been away (read: not writing for some time) and I need to get back into the groove.

So, currently –

  • Enjoying: Newly married life with this handsome husband of mine. As of today we have been married for nearly 7 weeks and things are great. Saurav is amazing and he makes me want to be a better person. I used to be an escapist who would sprint in the reverse direction of confrontation. Baby steps, but I am learning to stand my ground in uncomfortable situations and beginning to talk about things. There’s still a long way to go, but there’s been some progress which makes me happy.IMG_9370
  • Listening: To the Historium podcast on Podcast Addict app like an addict. History has been an area of interest since my first textbook on the subject back in sixth grade. This love has endured the test of times. I am discovering the joys of podcasts while commuting and I am probably subscribed to every history related series.
  • Reading: A lot of blogs, articles (basically anything that I can lay my eyes on) on personal finance, self-development and motivation. Personal development/self-help books need a lot of concentration and willpower. I am working on getting through them one thin book at a time.
  • Making: Shopping lists in my mind. Sale season just begun in India. While I have enough ethnic wear/occasion wear to last a lifetime from the wedding, I am running low on well fitted pairs of denim. I need to buy more like yesterday. But is it just me or trying on denims is one of the most tiring things? I get bored after trying 3 and convince myself that it’s just a bad day for buying new denims. It just has to be the perfect fit, colour, just the right amount of distressed and should fit into the budget. Dream feels!
  • Setting goals: I want to get into the habit of cooking more often. It’s not my forte but I would like to keep exploring it (partly because I love eating). I am setting myself a goal of cooking a couple of new things every weekend.
  • Wearing: Alternating between the perfumes/body mists Nude from Skinn by Titan and Pure Seduction by Victoria’s secret. Amazing! No other word.
  • Want to start: Working out regularly. Since this is a phase where I am feeling enthused, it’s the right time to hit the nail on the head. I am starting tomorrow. I’ve never given a full blown workout a try. I’ve always felt I need a little bit of motivation (and discipline) in this chart of my life. I’ve read so much about starting with 20 minutes every day, just keeping at it for 21 days and viola – you have a healthy habit. Gosh, it would be amazing to be able to wear anything without worrying. The reason to put this out here on the blog is that it will be just that much more added motivation to report back with progress in a few months.

See you around! 🙂


I Live to Fight Another Day

Some days are hard, some even harder while a few here and there not so much. This is not me complaining. This is just to remind myself that I have been struggling and it is completely okay. Because if truth be told, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am grateful for all the good things in my life. What I wish for is to be stronger, better, kinder and funnier. Everything else will iron out eventually. I wish for better and enriching experiences in life, to learn to be a good listener and some patience. I need to be able to accept that not all questions need answering, while some questions can never be answered. I need to learn to able to pick my battles.

I hope there was a switch that I could flick and put my mind at ease. Overthinking much? Yeah, that’s what I do best.

My reason to believe is at the end of the day – I have a tummy full of food, heart full of hope, eyes full of dreams and people who will always be at my side, no matter what. My reason to believe is that I am alive, well and I live to fight another day.

In response to Reason to Believe

I have a lot to be thankful for

Thankful for? Let’s see. This should be interesting.

First and foremost – My parents. Thank you for having me. No seriously – you guys were quiet young when mom conceived. No matter how many times I say it, it’s never going to be enough. Cliché – you guys are the pillars that I lean on in times of duress. I have put you through a lot. But both of you have always been there for me, undeterred.

Dear god – Thanks. I wish for a lot of things and sometimes don’t say thanks enough times. But don’t take it to your heart, alright? I hereby thank you for everything. I do have a lot to be grateful for and at the same time, could use a bit more of your attention.

Then there are those innumerable close, distant and extremely far-flung family members. Those visits, sweets and keen interest in my past, present and future has me where I am today. My childhood, though difficult would not have been the same without you guys around. I am always bubbling with memories of all sorts when somebody strings the topic called “Childhood”. So yeah, thank you.

Friends. Childhood, schoolmates, college gang and a few colleagues. Thank You.

Thanks to the stranger – who smiled or smiled back when our eyes met while walking. To the one who held a door open for me when he saw me clamber in with my hands full. To the stranger in the car who waited for me to cross the road. To the stranger who stood unwearyingly behind me while I attempted to withdraw cash using a wrong PIN. To so many others who still believe in humanity.

And last but not the least – to the person or circumstance who introduced me to reading. I mean real reading. I will be forever grateful.

Never Too Late

Calling a Spade – a Spade!

One day, many months ago, I read something that I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t intentional. It was a chat between two of my close friends. They had quite a few mean things to say about me and a close friend of mine. My heart broke. I had never in my wildest dreams thought that they were capable of being so mean, judgemental and hypocritical, when they were always so sweet and supportive on my face. The incident manifested a drastically different face of their personalities to me.

Crestfallen, I discussed this incident with the two people closest to me. Let’s call them S and M for simplicity’s sake. S always has this knack of giving just the right advice. He never says something that will just make you feel better. He believes in calling a spade a spade. S weighs the situation and says things that always make perfect sense, without beating about the bush. He is the truest friend. M could very well be an emotional counsellor. She will comfort you, and then lay down the facts before you. These facts will make you see your mistakes and at the same time make you feel better.

S’s first reaction was “Why the hell did you go through the chat? Why did you open it in the first place?” After listening to my explanation of why I was wandering into somebody else’s account, he said “Never go looking for things that somebody hasn’t shown/told you willingly. If it is meant for you, you’ll hear about it”. In my defence, I always respect other’s privacy as I expect them to respect mine.

M heard me out, patiently. She said, “They are people like that. They have various opinions of a person and her situations. One is for her eyes/ears and the others are saved so that they can gossip and make fun later. It doesn’t categorise them as good or bad. Don’t judge them. The best you can do is avoid being besties and gradually move away.”

The incident has changed me – in a small way but it has. I have grown up. I have realised that people won’t treat you nicely because you treat them in that way. There are all sorts of people who you will have to share time with in the journey called Life. It’s on you to choose how to let them affect you.

Inspired by Daily Prompt

It was a Beautiful Dimpled Smile

It was a beautiful Saturday evening. After lounging the entire day around, I decided I should stretch my legs and haul my lazy weekend ass to a long walk. I put on my walking shoes, plugged some music in my ears and started off.

Not far from where I put up, is Cafe Coffee Day. It is one my favorite cafes, has earned quite some fame in India. I found myself a small table in a cozy corner, plonked down to relax with some cold coffee and a sizzling brownie.

Within seconds of settling down, I felt a tap on the shoulder. I looked around and I see a person sheepishly smiling down at me. I removed one of my ear plugs and raised a politely inquisitive eyebrow. She pointed down to my shoes and paid a nice complement.

I mumbled a small thanks and gave a swift smile in return. I made to plug my ear phone back. I like some alone – time, once in a while. By the looks of it, this stranger was not yet finished. She looked on with a half hopeful smile with pursed lips. Tiny bit annoyed and sighing slightly, I unplugged both my ears.

She smiled again. A smile that flashed her dimples. I felt my irritation ebb away. I am partial to the smile that is accompanied by dimples. She gestured to the chair in front of me and inquired if she could join me. I gazed all around the café to reiterate to her that there were a few unoccupied tables that she could use. She flashed those dimples again, shifted her weight from one leg to another. It took a moment for her to answer, finally saying that she was looking for some company. I gave a small laugh and straightened up in the chair that I was lounging in. Uncrossing my legs and with a resigned smile, I waved in the direction of the chair.

She looked relieved. She quickly made herself comfortable. We introduced ourselves and made small talk until her order arrived. It was then that she really got talking. We talked for hours – about movies, politics, India’s socio – cultural problems, finance, photography, relationships. There was something about her that was quite uninhibiting and the fire soon caught on to me.

It went on. Over three more cups of coffee each and not – so – small bites to eat. We exchanged numbers and promised to stay in touch. It was such a random but a meaningful conversation.

Have you ever wondered how random strangers seem to understand you so much?

Scary won’t do. Nope. Nada.

There are innumerable instances in your life (almost daily in mine, I would like to call myself very expressive you see) when your eyes pop out in excitement, mirth or bewilderment. But as they say, there are two sides of the same coin – almost always.

So quite a lot of times, one might have had to cover her eyes, so as to keep the scary/tacky/cringe-worthy view from getting to her and occupying that recurring part of her brain. That wily part of brain which keeps playing the same dreadful frames over and over again. Even when you close your eyes. Very much in the vein of a film reel – in the slightly cramped place between your eyeballs and eye lids. *shudders*

I avoid horror movies at all costs for the same rationale. I tend to wake up to even silence on the nights that I have watched a horror movie. Then my active imagination makes the most static of things move and sway which creeps me out and my sleep evades father away. I also shirk from sordid looking things. More so, because often the next meal I have, seems to miraculously morph into the some shape/texture/colour that bears an uncanny resemblance to the video/photo/scene witnessed earlier *yuck*

Quite recently, I was disgusted by a thumbnail image of one particular video that was trending quite a bit on my FB feed. It said something to the effect of “Side Effects of Using XYZ Shampoo”. I never actually got around to seeing the video to check out if it was the real deal. The image in the thumbnail was extremely repulsive. Even while I am writing this down, I feel nauseated as my mind invariably brings it to the forefront.

And then there is something that happened only today. I was out for lunch with my colleagues – Nazrin and Chitransh. Chitransh recently developed Ulcers on his tongue, rendering him unable to swallow anything remotely spiced. This got us talking about most excruciating medical problems that we had experienced so far.

Nazrin narrated one incident from her time in college when numerous painful pimples had surfaced on her eyelid. She delved into details of the surgical procedure and the not-so pleasant after effects. Somewhere in the middle of it, I decided I had had enough. Result – Closed eyes and hands over ears.

Wait wait. I just remembered another one from a couple of months back. I had a sleepover at my place with a few close friends on a Saturday. We slept late and woke up late. We cooked brunch and then decided to watch a movie – even did a quick vote. To my horror of horrors, it came down to a horror movie – Evil Dead 2 to be precise.

I sat right in the middle of the bunch, keeping all my options of bolting accessible for when the scare got out of hand. But the movie was more gore than horror and my hands often flew to eyes, because just shutting my eye-lids close wouldn’t suffice!

Aaah. Some memories.

This post was inspired by Daily Post.

Happy Birthday Dearest Friend! :)

This is to wish a belated Birthday to one of the best friends I have ever had. She might not be reading this, but I want to do this for her for how much craziness, laughter, care and stability she brought into my life when we were together.

We are two different individuals – different personalities. She likes to read a different genre than I do, her taste in music is defined, she would watch horror movies with headphones on at midnight (Phew), she would go looking for crazy, random and weird things and they would invariably come to her. She loves to party, sneak out and play pranks. Perpetually in need of Chai, a lover of food, cooking and travelling, she has a zest for life.

But we connected too. On various and a number of levels. On a cheerful and tomboyish level. On childhood stories level. On life’s philosophy, friendship, love for family and need for photography level. On temperament and emotional level. On love of clothes, shoes, accessory and shopping level.

One of the few non-expressive people in my life, she is extremely caring – I am very accident prone – falling, twisting and spraining is my thing. She used to sit me down and bandage my hurting limb. We could go on without speaking a word to each other for days, but when we started talking – it wouldn’t stop. Our shared Chinese dinners, late night walks and so much laughter, counselling each other of too many expectations and broken hearts are forever etched into my mind.

It came as a shock, when she told me she had been diagnosed with a recurring disease – tumour in the brain, and it had been there for quite a while. Her desire to fight it and will to live – for her family and her loved one is commendable. While I write this with a heavy heart, I am so fiercely proud of her. My respect and love has grown many fold.

Keep believing my dear friend and keep smiling. Have faith and do your bit. Everything will fall in place. You are a survivor and a fighter – the brave and fierce kind. You have a lovely family and someone (you know who 🙂 ) loves you very, very much. For the gem in your life, for the person you are, for the family who loves you- keep smiling.

Memory on the menu: Neha – RIP. You will be greatly missed.

When it’s Apt to Speak up and When it’s Not

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent
about things that matter.
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

The above quotes apply to us for all walks of our lives. All of us, at some point in our lives have chosen to stay unvoiced for various reasons, knowing full well that our judgment held better or the stand was righteous.

Time and again, the decision of keeping mum is a consequence of the unfavorable circumstances. Who would like to be thrown out from a job due to a varying opinion from that of his boss and a vehement argument in support of the same?

But does that mean we should just sit tight and do nothing every time a superior/stronger/dominating person dumps his views and opinions on us. Of course not. That way the tyranny will never end, be it personal or professional.

But, there is a way to put things forth so as not to hold a match to a heap of gunpowder. Humble, polite and diplomatic does it. Outright, straightforward may not be the way to approach such conflicting situations (especially when the person is a stronger position either rank wise or build up wise 😉 ).

On the other hand, respecting and accepting the decision or opinion of a person whom you trust, shouldn’t be a complaint. He/she will wisely try to  strike up a balance in your mutual relationship to the best of his/her ability. But you should recognize the signs of imbalance and know when it is the time to speak out your views. More so, when the decisions start running into his favor and fatally depleting in yours on a customary basis 😛

This post stems from recent real life incidences.

Of Lives and the Lines in Between

There are phases in everybody’s life. Phases that are easily discernible by certain behavioural and character traits. Mine has been marked by the two and by closeness to certain people. There one was phase when I was excited about starting writing by own blog and then very nearly abandoned it. This is one phase that I have begun to feel attracted to it again this time hoping that it will last longer.

Right now, my life is in a very comfortable phase. It looks like everything is in its rightful place. That’s just the overview – just like when you open a can of biscuits and you are satisfied with the general state of well-being of all of them. It is only when you start taking them out one by one that you realize that some of them have eroded corners, a few have developed cracks and some of them have been crushed all together.

Between the struggle to live life comfortably in an expensive metropolitan like Bangalore and to settling in a new environment, there are certain aspects of my life that have brushed off corners. Between trying to find the things that I love and in the painful journey, many of my relationships have developed cracks that will probably never mend. And between trying to be my own person, be a mamma’s girl and adjusting to cynics & hypocrites of people – a tiny part of me gets crushed to dust every other day.

While I was thus whining about all of this to a friend after listening patiently for a while, she just went ahead and said “You have no idea of the kind of problems that other people have in their lives. You are blessed and stay that way. Don’t try and create problems from the things that aren’t even there.”

No sooner than those words came out of her mouth, I stopped midway through my next set of complaints. A wry smile shook me from my reverie when I did realize my life, as of now, is as perfect as it could possibly be given the set of constants and variables that I have adopted, created, inherited, absorbed, inculcated or learned. There are a few ups and downs – there always will be. Otherwise life will lose the spices – won’t it?